Athens was destroyed by the fear of the plague, not by the plague

Thucydides 430 B.C.

Home alone. No, I’m not going to talk about the movie. I’m just home alone tonight and it’s hard to go to sleep with everything that is going on around me. I probably should be going to sleep considering that I’m working tomorrow but for some reason I cannot…

I saw your tears for your first time on Friday night, they were made of crystals, going down from your green greyish eyes. They were tears of sadness: “I can’t stand the though of my loved ones dying from Coronavirus” you said.

I think of that moment and my heart breaks. Life is made of infinite possibilities and sometimes I avoid thinking of the ones I don’t like, sometimes I hope for something to go in a certain way, other times I just don’t consider certain possibilities and then an intrusive thought comes to mind and breaks you. Breaks you into tears.

I know what you meant and I can’t bare the thought of it either, not even for one second.

I came from Brazil and found myself in a surreal mass hysteria in Lisbon airport: many passengers were already wearing masks and my first thought was: “Some people have died from Coronavirus and everybody wants to wear masks, millions of people keep dying from HIV and nobody wants to wear condoms!”.

The situation seemed surreal, especially considering that we were told it’s “just a flu”!

Well, in a few weeks there were more and more sick people, more deaths, Italy got progressively shut down, more and more countries got affected, some are now closing their borders… maybe it’s not just a flu!

And here I am, going to work, wearing a simple surgical mask that apparently doesn’t protect but those are the Swiss recommandations, telling myself that maybe Swiss masks are better (got to think something ironic…).

I wake up every morning hoping it’s just a dream, but it’s reality and it starts all over again: I go running, have breakfast, get ready and go to take the train. You cannot even blow your nose in the train: the other day I did so and the lady sitting next to me got up and went to sit elsewhere…

Spring is starting, most of the days are sunny and the only thought that keeps coming to my mind is: “I hope my patients don’t get infected”…

Then I think about my sister. She works in another hospitals and deals directly with infected patients. I pray. I pray for her, for them and I hope that everything will be ok.

My brother, my parents, my amazing grandma are at home in Italy. Confined in their own land. The singing from the balconies conforts me. Maybe Italy shut down but at least the virus did not prevent people to be close to each other, the virus didn’t stop art. I hope again and tell myself that everything will be ok…

My youngest sister is in Sofia, Bulgaria. Her University has been closed for weeks. She is in self quarantine. This country is shut down as well but so far with a lower number of cases. Once more, everything will be ok!

I’m going to have a cup of herbal tea and go to sleep. Maybe tomorrow it will be over…



One Comment Add yours

  1. Sophie says:

    Very well written !!!
    This too shall pass.

    Liked by 1 person

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